I beg your pardon?

Of the many, many exasperating phrases to come out of my children’s mouths, my least favorite of all might be, “I said…” with the word “said” loud and drawn out to emphasize that the statement is being repeated. For example: “I SAAAIIID I want the cereal in the BLUE bowl!”

To my child, whom I love:

First of all, your claim is incorrect. Perhaps you mentioned cereal; perhaps you mentioned a bowl. You did not clearly articulate the vision in your head. Do better.

Second, I do miss some things due to being hard of hearing. By now you should be well aware of this physical limitation that I have. Consider being patient with me instead of treating my impaired hearing as a personal affront.

Finally, while I’m not always a great parent, spouse, colleague, teacher, or friend, one of the things I consistently do well is LISTEN. I take pride in this. When I can hear what’s being said, I’m a good, attentive listener. Ask anyone who knows me well. Literally anyone. Do you really think I’m cavalierly tuning you out, given that, according to the rest of the world, listening is one of my greatest strengths?

<pause>

What’s that? You didn’t realize that I was talking to you? You need me to say that again?

<sigh>

OK. Fine.

Here’s the cereal in the blue bowl.