A few mornings ago, amidst yet another protracted session of my kid screaming at me, I found myself saying something different from my usual appeals to logic, fairness, and kindness: “I’m the parent; I make the rules.”
In my rattled state, I was surprised to hear the words as they left my mouth.
Once they were out there, I paused to consider them. Was that really what I wanted to say?
After a moment, I decided: YES, I am comfortable with this statement, and I stand behind it!
After all, my usual appeals to logic, fairness, and kindness generally fall on deaf ears. They accomplish little beyond proving that I can rationalize my parenting decisions. Why labor to craft explanations that the kids don’t even hear?
Also, while “I’m the parent; I make the rules” may look harsh on the page, I didn’t mean it in that way and didn’t deliver in it that way. It’s the straightforward expression of an obvious fact that needs to be acknowledged, but that also can lead naturally into expressions of empathy, e.g., “I know that it can be frustrating for you to not have more control over your life right now…”
When I described this moment at my dads’ group, another dad noted that he uses a somewhat similar remark with his own kids: “We have these rules to keep you safe.”
His version is definitely kinder and gentler than mine — less of a “clap-back” — and I should probably say something like that instead.
For now, I’ll just admit that, when being shouted at for minutes at a time, the urge to clap back — in some tiny non-threatening rhetorical way — is very hard for me to resist.
My Track Record 
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