Publish and Perish, part 3: Sabbasketball

[Context: read the previous part or start from the beginning. TW: bad amateur fiction!]

“Come on, Gerry — ever since Polonius quit, the students have been killing us on the boards!”

This was Gerald’s microbiologist colleague Paul, recruiting him for the noontime student-faculty pickup basketball game — the current time being about 10 minutes to noon.

“The whole point of being on sabbatical,” Gerald replied, “is to get out of tedious committee work.”

“You’re referring to basketball as ‘tedious committee work’?”

“Indeed I am. It’s the five-person Faculty Committee to Put the Ball Through the Hoop. Totally ineffectual, last time I checked.

“Also, despite being 190 centimeters tall, I haven’t touched a rim since 1998,” he added.

Paul was undiscouraged. “So you’ve been servicing rims within the last 15 years? That settles it,” he concluded jovially. “You’re coming!”

Gerald made an exaggerated sigh of resignation. “Fine. Just give me a couple of minutes to change.” He stepped back into his office to look for some shorts.

They arrived at the court at 11:58. Gerald, easing his body into the 21st century, managed to get off one errant warmup shot, and then it was time to play.

As luck would have it, he wound up guarding Zach, a student he had taught in the spring, who now turned out to be much more athletic than he looked.

“Ah, Professor Cutler, we meet again!” said Zach dramatically as he posted up against Gerald. “But this time” — he received a pass and spun around Gerald for an uncontested shot — “this time the advantage is mine!”

It was a great line, Gerald thought — but why did that phrasing seem so familiar?

“Excuse me,” he called out incredulously, “but were you referencing the Far Side cartoon on my office door?”

Zach looked back at him and grinned.

“Well played,” Gerald conceded. “I have no answer for that.”

The mismatch continued for a few more minutes. “I should switch with Paul,” thought Gerald. “His player has barely touched the ball.”

Just then Gerald went up for a rebound. He got six inches off the ground, which, in a stroke of extraordinarily bad luck, was just enough room for Zach, knocked over by another player, to slide underneath him.

Gerald came down awkwardly on top of Zach. His left shoulder hit the floor first, with his head trailing. He braced for the impact, and then he was out.

[Update: the story continues with part 4.]