Publish and Perish, part 6: Qualitative Research

[Context: read the previous part or start from the beginning. TW: bad amateur fiction!]

“I prefer to think of it as holding myself to high standards,” Gerald said. He was responding to Reverend Beth’s suggestion that he tended to be hard on himself.

“Yeah — sure — fine!” she said. “That probably works very well for you in general. Nevertheless” — her cadence slowed — “what you’ve just been through is unprecedented, and almost unimaginable.” She got quieter. “I just want to encourage you to give yourself some grace right now. If at all possible. Even if that’s not your usual approach. Give yourself a day or two to feel your feelings without judging them or acting on them.”

Gerald rolled his eyes and sighed as if he was a child being told to finish his vegetables.

“I think I understand where you’re coming from,” he said, “but being rational is kind of my superpower. I mean, rationality is useful in science — obviously — but it’s also a source of comfort when things get hard emotionally.”

Would that make any sense to someone who didn’t know him? “I know that doesn’t sound very comforting, but … it works for me.”

Maybe he should give an example, he thought. “For example, when my wife left me,” he recalled, “I was taken by surprise, and I was pretty shaken up. The situation was basically out of my control; she made a choice and I just had to accept it.

“The one thing I could control, of course, was my attitude. I had the choice of either giving in to my emotions and being completely angry and spiteful for a while, or aiming for rationality. I chose the latter, and it felt good to be somewhat in control of that. To be able to choose NOT to hit rock bottom.”

She looked him in the eyes. “Let me try again,” she said. “I love that you’re in the habit of processing your emotions and imposing some rationality on them. I really do. All I’m saying is… As a scientist, you need to collect the data before you analyze them, right?”

She treats “data” as a plural noun, thought Gerald. Nice!

“Right now you’re collecting data on your emotions. What I’m suggesting is that you extend this phase of data collection a bit longer than usual before you do the analysis,” she said. “This is… This is qualitative research rather than quantitative research, so …” She took a breath and concluded with a slight flourish: “it’s important to be open to the data leading you in interesting new directions. Which won’t happen if you end the study prematurely. Right? Do you buy that?”

Gerald sensed that his rationality might have just been defeated by her rationality.

“OK, fine,” he said. Now he sounded like a child reluctantly agreeing to eat half of his vegetables. He sighed again. He felt tired.

“Is there anything else that we’re supposed to talk about?” he asked. “Any boxes that need be checked off?”

That came out poorly, he thought. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that sarcastically. I think you’re probably giving me good advice. I might even comply with it eventually.”

“You look super-uncomfortable,” she said, “so I think my work here is done.” She gave him a half-smile. “Unless you have any questions for me.”

“Well… What’s your theology, anyway? I can’t tell if you’re a Christian, for example. Not that that’s important to me one way or the other — I’m just curious.”

“If you’re looking for a category, I’m a Unitarian Universalist,” she replied.

“Mmm.” He nodded.

“Would you like to talk more about that?” she asked. “About religious lenses on situations like this one?”

“Not especially. Not right now. Thanks, though.”

“OK. Is there anything else?”

He shook his head no.

“OK. I’ll be around this week if you want to follow up later.” She took a step toward the door. “I’m so glad I got to talk with you today, Mr. Cutler. I wish you the very best.”

[Update: the story continues with part 7.]