I recently read a fellow biologist’s essay (not yet published) in which she reported and reflected on a long-ago barb of negative feedback from an anonymous student. The specific words, written entirely in capital letters, gave the impression of shouting in anger. It shook her up.

In all likelihood the student really was angry. But was his anger the whole story? The beginning and the end of his reaction?

The teacher inferred a hint of sadness in the student’s comment. Maybe a feeling of being left behind by the material, or of being left behind by other students who found it more interesting or who learned it more readily.

Anger can be very off-putting, especially when out of proportion to the cause. It’s much harder to reject someone for being sad, isn’t it? The angry student seems bratty and entitled, but the sad student is a more sympathetic character. Poor kid — he was probably trying his best….

The essay made me think of my 9-year-old, who sometimes speaks entirely in capital letters. When he’s giving me a piece of his mind, it’s hard for me to bear. But when the shouting turns to crying, I hear the sadness beneath the rage. My desire to ease his pain and protect him from the world’s many cruelties, so distant just a moment ago, returns in a flash.

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